I knew things were going too well.

UPDATE Mark came home tonight an hour after he left for work. He has been laid off, effective immediately. We are now trying to figure out whether we can adopt baby boy. Total cost will be approximately $11,000. What would you do? We are already in love with our son. At a loss. Share if you can, please. https://www.gofundme.com/k4p2xkxq

Freedom in 2016

2015 was quite a year! Tess and I moved to North Carolina in May, for five months, so that she could have her lifesaving transplant. We met some wonderful people and Tess's thymus transplant doctor, who is still in our lives today and every day! We finalized Tess's adoption on May 8 and left immediately to drive to NC. On the way, we stopped to see our friends Bryan and Jennifer Ballinger and Lane Wilder. We also stopped at my Mom's house and had a good visit and saw her on Mother's Day. We left to return home on October 1. By that time, Mom had been put into a nursing home, as she was dying from pancreatic cancer. We stopped in her town for two days and had a great visit with her. A month later, she stopped communicating. I spoke with her on November 13, while my aunt held the phone to her ear. I was able to thank her, tell her goodbye and give her permission to go. She died the next morning. Mom was 78. Dealing with rumors and idiots and ex high school friends lately. I deleted all my facebook friends and started over. If people send me friend requests, and I feel that I can trust them, I will accept their requests. The reason that I know it was ex friends from way back when? Two total strangers e-mailed me on the same day. One told me that I had mental health problems because I never left my home. I'm not sure how I lived in NC for five months and went to the hospital clinics daily if I never leave my home? The other said that I only friended people to beg for money from them. No begging going on here? Mark and I are going to be fostering medically fragile infants starting in March. If the option arises, we are going to adopt a sibling for Tess.

Our Story

Our Story: Mark and I met in 2001, talking online at first and then we met. We bought our first house together four months later. We got engaged in 2002 and married in 2003. In 2005, we took the training and became licensed to be foster parents. We also started seeing a doctor for fertility issues. In 2005, we had our first foster son and found out we were pregnant. On January 4, 2006, we had our son Daniel, who was born too early to survive. We continued fostering in MN until 2007. In the Fall of 2007, we moved to WI. We took a break from foster care. In October 18, 2010, we found out that I was pregnant for the third time at the age of 42. When we went for a ultrasound, we found out that I was losing the baby and had many tumors in my bladder. I started chemo, ended in 2011 and in March of 2011, I had my bladder and uterus surgically removed. I had a fake bladder built inside of me (an Indiana Pouch) and now I catheterize through a stoma in my tummy. We became foster parents again in 2012 and had two long-term placements, both of whom went home to family eventually. In 2014, we decided we wanted to give the thought of having our own child one last try. We contacted an adoption agency, had our home study completed on October 23. Met an awesome adoption placement agency online called "Special Angels Adoption - Advocates for Special Needs" On Friday, November 14, we were matched with our baby girl Teresa Katherine (Tess). Tess has a lot of special medical needs, but nothing we don't handle gladly. She is the love of our lives and will finally become our FOREVER daughter at the end of May. What's YOUR story? http://www.postcrescent.com/story/life/2015/01/04/life-fragile-baby-adoptive-parents/21201719/

Miss Tess Updates

Miss Tess has an appointment today with her pediatric cardiologist. Hoping everything is still looking good. The dietitian has changed her feedings. She went down in calories per ounce but up in overall feeding volume. The hope is that she will have less throwing up and less acid overall in her bowel movements. This will hopefully help her skin issues. We are now using regular diapers with cloth inserts to protect her skin. We are also using our fourth prescription cream and on top of that we're using stoma powder. So far, so good! Tess's paperwork is in the hands of the cardiologist at Duke. The surgeon has gone over everything and is, in my understanding, just waiting for word from cardiology to let us know that Miss Tess has been accepted. Then we begin the fights with insurance. End result, we should be in NC by end of April. I have had a few people ask what they can get for Miss Tess. We will keep this one registry open and up-to-date for a while. I think that most everything we need/want for Tess (other than her new Thymus) is on this registry! https://www-secure.target.com/gift-registry/myitems?registryId=_Qnw2wNY77NuRu3QxF_lkQ&accessedOn=1423237263523 Thanks again!

Going, going, gone!

Last night ended all of Tess's baby showers online. We had one with four different stores: Kohls, Target, Babies R Us and Baby Depot. Tess received some amazing gifts from friends and family. Probably more so than she would have with a normal baby shower! Gifts aside, Tess has also received some wonderful cards with beautiful words. All of these are put away in her memory box for her to one day read and appreciate. Just as her parents have. To the people who couldn't/wouldn't/didn't bother with any acknowledgment at all....no cards, no gifts, no phone calls, no words at all? Yes, we're saddened that the adoption of our child, after years of trying, three lost babies, many foster babies, failed adoptions, wasn't important enough for you to join in our happiness. It costs nothing, but means everything. We're certainly not keeping a running list of how each and every person in our lives reacted (other than the list we had for sending "thank you" notes). But we know, and Tess will know once she can read her memory box. And so, thank you so so much to everyone who had something to do with Tess's joining in our family. It meant a great deal to all of us. We're so very thankful.

Newspaper article!!

http://www.postcrescent.com/story/life/2015/01/04/life-fragile-baby-adoptive-parents/21201719/

Tess's Story

Tess's Story: We belong to an adoption group that places special needs children/babies. I saw a post for Tess (Teresa, the bio parents named her). I sent in our profile to the agency and within a few hours, we were told that we had a daughter! The post that prompted our submission included her medical conditions: Tess had already had heart surgery for pulmonary atresia, VSD, and PDA. She had a low birth weight. She was baby B of a set of triplets. She had a GTube for feedings and a preliminary diagnosis of SCID. She would need a thymus transplant at Duke Hospital in North Carolina. She needed a family where one parent stayed at home, where there were no other children, and parents willing to travel for up to six months with her to NC. Tess had been in NICU for most of her life, in isolation. In order to see her, we had to put on gowns, gloves and masks. She would be discharged from the NICU with the Gtube feedings; she would require IG infusion once a month for antibiotics; she had three meds to also go into her feeding tube, and they thought that she would come home with a pulse oxometer (she didn't!). Genetic testing had been sent off and the results are still pending. And the hospital mentioned what a sweet baby Tess was (they were not kidding!) And so, with this information, we decided to go for it. She sounded perfect for Mark and I and for our parenting experience. And she is...just perfect! We kept the name the bio parents chose for her (Tess as a nickname) and gave her a name to honor my little sister, Kathy Jo, who passed away when she was eight when we were hit by a car. And so, she is Teresa Katherine. Everything happened SO quickly, we have yet to finish her nursery. We've been blessed to have friends and family send things for our Tess. Thank you so much! We are registered at Babies R Us, for anyone feeling so inclined. I hope no one gets sick of me posting about our daughter. And if you do...tough!!

Not ungrateful!

Our visiting nurse helped us figure some things out today. Love visiting nurses! This is going to sound like an ungrateful post and it's really NOT meant to be that way at all! Tess has no more room in her closet or bureaus for clothing. She is maxed out on the clothing gig. What we really want/need for her is in this registry. She needs storage in her room, mostly for all the gifts people have sent to her! She needs crib sheets and changing table sheets. She needs (more of a want) some pretty artwork for the walls of her nursery. She needs a swing and a high chair and an extra car seat (yes, too expensive, we know). She needs batteries for all the gifts that everyone has bought her! There is a beautiful floor mat that would look awesome in her room and allow her more cushioning during tummy time and physical therapy. She needs the wedge for her crib because she's likely to get torticollis if we don't start getting her to turn her head to the right. Lots of needs, unfortunately not lots of money to fulfill her needs. The recent adoption expense plus the very expensive travel, rental car and being away from home for two weeks has maxed us out. We have what we absolutely NEED right now, and certainly don't feel obligated in any way. But this list has things we'd still LIKE for her. Thank you and have a nice day!

Life is crazy

I wouldn't change it for the world....I just wish we had more time to just BE with Tess. All day at the hospital, all day on the phone, all day with therapists. Overwhelming. Tomorrow, only one at-home appointment, I think. Tomorrow, we shall cuddle. Here is the link to our online baby shower for Tess. http://www.toysrus.com/registry/myregistry/index.jsp?tab=myRegistry

Welcome Baby Tess!

Mark and I are the proud parents of a four-month-old baby girl. Her name is Teresa (honoring her birth parents chosen name for her), Katherine (after my little sister who passed away). We spent the last two weeks in Texas with her in the NICU and finally flew home on Friday the 28th. Tess's first full day in our home was also the 35th anniversary of the car accident that took my little sister Kathy-Jo's life. Meant to be. Tess is medically fragile. She has had heart surgery. She is missing a thymus and will need a transplant done at Duke University in NC. Tess and I will be living in NC for six months or so, with Mark flying in when he can. Once transplant is complete, she should be a "regular" child and lead a normal, long life. For now, she is living in a glass bubble. Mark and I, and her specialists, are the only ones to see and hold Tess. She can catch things very easily and we are not exposing her to germs. She will only leave the house for doctors' appointments. We received the phone call on Friday Nov 14 and I flew out on November 15 to San Antonio. Mark flew in on Thursday. An hour after the phone call, and the submission of our profile, we were told that we had a daughter. And she is beautiful. And she is very well loved by everyone! Not even a month after our home study was complete, we are now a complete family. It's amazing how life works, isn't it? Here is a link to Tess's baby shower online: http://www.toysrus.com/registry/myregistry/index.jsp And here is our beautiful Tess!

And so it begins....please share this with friends!

Mindi and Mark are hosting a Tastefully Simple and a Thirty One party the month of September to raise money for their adoption fund. Half of the commission from each party will be donated to the fund. 

The fall/winter lines are live and there is a ton of new products! Here are the links for ordering:

Tastefully Simple: www.tastefullysimple.com/web/kdehart Then select Mindi's party

Thirty One: http://www.mythirtyone.com/shop/catalog.aspx?eventId=E4861916&from=DIRECTLINK

Please share this event with your family and friends. If you have any questions about any of the products please let me know. :-)

September Fundraising Parties

Tastefully Simple

https://www.tastefullysimple.com/party/3769687/abdeecff-409c-4a9e-ab05-3fa3b889048b

Thirty-One Gifts

https://www.mythirtyone.com/shop/eventhome.aspx?eventId=E4861916&from=MYEVENTS

Our story

This is what we consider to be our "last chance" at having a child in our lives. I'm 46 now. I've lost three children and three years ago lost my bladder and uterus to cancer. I am now cancer-free!  We've fostered children for years and had four failed adoptions. Last chance adoption. If we can afford it.


My life reads like a soap opera. When I was 11, my sisters and I were hit by a car while waiting for the school bus. My little sister Kathy didn't survive. I was raised by a wonderful Mom and an abusive alcoholic Father. And then I married an abusive, drug addicted husband. Stayed with him for 12 years until I had the strength to leave.

In 2001, I met Mark, the most wonderful man ever. We married in 2003. In 2005, at the age of 37, Mark and I conceived our first child. In 2006, I gave birth to our son Daniel, too early for him to survive. Later that year, we lost our second child.

Fast forward to 2010 (time spent between 2006 and 2010 resulted in our becoming foster parents and having three failed adoptions). At the age of 42, I found out I was pregnant. Went for an ultrasound, where they found numerous tumors in my bladder. I lost the baby and started chemotherapy in Dec 2010.

In March 2011, I had my bladder surgically removed, along with my uterus....losing any chance of having our own baby. But, in the end, I was/am currently cancer-free. We named our third baby "Angel" for saving my life.

We became licensed as foster parents again, and had a 15 month old baby girl placed with us. On March 1, 2013, after living with us for over a year, baby girl was taken and given to an Aunt in another state. Failed adoption number 4.

After taking a much needed break, we began doing respite for, and then shared parenting, and then took placement of our pre-adoptive foster son.  He had some issues, mostly with reactive attachment disorder.  We took him to therapy, occupational therapy and tried to get him into RAD assessment.  We were told that he needed to be in his forever home in order to get him that therapy. We were told we would be adopting him.  He left our home two weeks ago to go back with his Mother.  Failed adoption number 5.

Our first foster child was born at 28 weeks, 3 pounds.  We had him for six months.  He required occupation, physical and speech therapy. He had to wear a craniocap.  He had to see a physician of some kind weekly.  And we loved him to pieces and would have adopted him in a heartbeat.

Through all of this, my husband Mark has been the best friend, nurse, Father, husband, caretaker ever. He deserves to have a child. WE deserve to have a child. We've looked into adoption and have started the process, which could take years.

Fundraisers to help Mark and Mindi afford adoption

http://www.gofundme.com/Help-Us-Be-A-Family

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/h875/help-us-adopt-

Fundraising Parties

My friend and I have decided to have two fundraising parties in the month of September.  Mostly because there are new catalogs out.  And a little bit because I'm going to be relatively busy in September and won't be able to bug people as much as I normally do.

I am asking that my friends and family share the party information on their walls, with their friends and family and invite people to the event.

We are in the beginning stages of adoption and could use every penny we can get!

Thanks so much!

Adoption agency

We are done with fostering.  We will be doing some respite (overnights/weekends/short term) work with the county as well as with an agency that only works with medically fragile children.  We went to an adoption agency today.

Update.....

LOVE the agency, LOVE who would be our worker.....they are waiting on confirmation from my Oncologists that I am cancer-free and once they have that paperwork, they will be starting our home study.  We will have that home study submitted for any child we have an interest in, all over the USA.  It will be a special needs adoption, hopefully for a child age 5 and under.

We now have links to multiple sites and are very interested in pursuing special needs adoption. We are currently looking at a site with children who are HIV+ and available for adoption.

Please keep us in your thoughts/prayers/good karma vibes!

Doctors Appointment

Overheard at my doctor's, just a bit ago:

Me "Did you see my b/p?"
Doctor: "Well, at least you're still sitting upright"

My bp was 88/58. My HA1C is now at non-diabetic levels, 6.3. I have been taken off of all b/p meds immediately and have to go in (I can walk there) for regular b/p checks for a while. I have only lost 8 pounds since last time, but she seems to think that I am "wasting away". Lowered my one insulin, took the other insulin off my chart completely. Cholesterol is perfect. Only took two people and three sticks to draw blood this time and I have two fancy shmancy Snoopy bandaids to prove it!

And I have in hand a letter for Mark and a letter for me, from the doctor, for the adoption agency, stating that in all likelihood, we will both be alive for at least another 20 years to raise a child.  And I am cancer free!

Scared

Going to meet with adoption agency.....TOMORROW!!!

OMGOMGOMG

And another decision is made.....I think.

• So we have decided that we are going to pay the $3000 and get a home study completed. Jen, our friend who took the concert photos, is going to do our life book. We are also going to keep our foster care license with this county and just do respite. We also are going to start doing respite for medically fragile children through another organization. Our very first foster child was considered medically fragile. He was born at 28 weeks, weighed less than 3 pounds, was in the hospital for 4 months, had a cranio cap, had occupation physical and speech therapy, a couple operations, doctors appointments every week.....and he was a JOY to foster. We had him from 6 months to a year old and would have adopted him in a heartbeat.
• 
  

Food for Thought

How do you explain to people who say that if you're fundraising, you shouldn't adopt a child because you cannot afford to raise a child?  How do you make them understand that there are many fees attached to the adoption process that not everyone knows about?  Or that there's a tax write-off for adoption funds?  Or that you DO have the funds and home and heart to raise a child in a very nice home, to save money for their college fund, to take care of them....but you don't necessarily have the 10k to 50k+ upfront that could be needed for an adoption?

Received this message tonight on one of our fundraisers.  Not sure if I should waste my time and think about this some more....or not give it a second thought?

A message I received tonight on my GOFUNDME account.  Originally I deleted it.  But now I'm going to put it out there.  If you agree with her post, please let me know.

Dear Mindi,

Jeanette Jancee has posted a comment to your fund:

No, you are not ENTITLED to a baby. You are ESPECIALLY not entitled to SOMEBODY ELSE's baby! The fact that you're fundraising?? Tells me you CANNOT AFFORD A BABY. This business of claiming to be able to care for a kid but not pay the fees to adopt that kid? A TOTAL CROCK!! Do you know why women relinquish babies? Cuz they cannot afford to raise them!! Neither can YOU!

Sign-in to manage your comments: http://www.gofundme.com/

View your fund: http://www.gofundme.com/Help-Us-Be-A-Family

Thank you,

The GoFundMe Team

QON:

 What do you do what you want a child and your husband deserves a child and you find out it may never happen (or you may never have enough money to make it happen)? I know a lot of my friends don't have children and want them. Most are younger than me. If you were told that you would never have a forever child, how do you make that okay in your head?

What can you do

when every door of opportunity has been closed to you?

Not a good day.  Sad.

Do you know?

QOD: Where are you? Do you like where you are?  Do you think you'd be better off somewhere else?
 
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʟɪғᴇ ɪs sʜᴏᴡɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ
Wʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ...?

Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴇᴛ
Wʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ʜᴏᴘɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ
Wʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ
Tʜᴇʀᴇ's ɴᴏ ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴅᴏᴏʀ
Wʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏᴘɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ...?

Oɴᴄᴇ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇ sᴛᴀɴᴅɪɴɢ sᴛɪʟʟ ɪɴ ᴛɪᴍᴇ
Cʜᴀsɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴀɴᴛᴀsɪᴇs
Tʜᴀᴛ ғɪʟʟᴇᴅ ᴏᴜʀ ᴍɪɴᴅs
Yᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴇᴡ ʜᴏᴡ I ʟᴏᴠᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ
Bᴜᴛ ᴍʏ sᴘɪʀɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ғʀᴇᴇ
Lᴀᴜɢʜɪɴ' ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴs
Tʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏɴᴄᴇ ᴀsᴋᴇᴅ ᴏғ ᴍᴇ

Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʟɪғᴇ ɪs sʜᴏᴡɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ
Wʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ...?

Nᴏᴡ ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴀʟʟ ᴡᴇ'ᴠᴇ ᴘʟᴀɴɴᴇᴅ
Wᴇ ʟᴇᴛ sᴏ ᴍᴀɴʏ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍs
Jᴜsᴛ sʟɪᴘ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴏᴜʀ ʜᴀɴᴅs
Wʜʏ ᴍᴜsᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴀɪᴛ sᴏ ʟᴏɴɢ
Bᴇғᴏʀᴇ ᴡᴇ'ʟʟ sᴇᴇ
Hᴏᴡ sᴀᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀɴsᴡᴇʀs
Tᴏ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴs ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴇ

Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʟɪғᴇ ɪs sʜᴏᴡɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ
Wʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ...? 


Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴇᴛ
Wʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ʜᴏᴘɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ
Wʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ
Tʜᴇʀᴇ's ɴᴏ ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴅᴏᴏʀ
Wʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏᴘɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ...?

I am, I said

I am, without a doubt and unequivocally, a ditz.

Left store, put bags into car. Went to start car. Saw man asleep behind wheel of another car (a Cadillac SRX). Heard annoying car alarm and wondered why asleep man didn't wake up and shut it off. Got out of my car and went up to the other car (hey, at least I got to see the inside of one of the vehicles we're considering). Put hand on man's arm. Then realized that the alarm was coming from my car. Apologized for waking him. Shut my car alarm off.

Me

I posted this updated photo of myself yesterday on FB.  I had my hair chopped, colored and highlighted.  I think that the blonde came out a bit too brown, but other than that, I like it!  I have a long way to go in my weight loss journey (and a big skin removal surgery in the future), but I'm getting there!

Lingering

So it's been a week since the child left our home.  It's been two weeks since Robin Williams took his own life.  I have so much to look forward to in the next few weeks, and yet this overwhelming sadness has taken over my life.  I feel empty, useless, a failure.

And with that public exclamation, I am calling my therapist.

Again, no worries needed.  I'm a survivor.

And then

http://www.gofundme.com/Help-Us-Be-A-Family

This is what we consider to be our "last chance" at having a child in our lives. I just turned 46. I've lost three children and two years ago lost my bladder and uterus to cancer. We've fostered children for years and had four failed adoptions. Last chance adoption. If we can afford it.


My life reads like a soap opera. When I was 11, my sisters and I were hit by a car while waiting for the school bus. My little sister Kathy didn't survive. I was raised by a wonderful Mom and an abusive alcoholic Father. And then I married an abusive, drug addicted husband. Stayed with him for 12 years until I had the strength to leave.

In 2001, I met Mark, the most wonderful man ever. We married in 2003. In 2005, at the age of 37, Mark and I conceived our first child. In 2006, I gave birth to our son Daniel, too early for him to survive. Later that year, we lost our second child.

Fast forward to 2010 (time spent between 2006 and 2010 resulted in our becoming foster parents and having three failed adoptions). At the age of 42, I found out I was pregnant. Went for an ultrasound, where they found numerous tumors in my bladder. I lost the baby and started chemotherapy in Dec 2010.

In March 2011, I had my bladder surgically removed, along with my uterus....losing any chance of having our own baby. But, in the end, I was/am currently cancer-free. We named our third baby "Angel" for saving my life.

We became licensed as foster parents again, and had a 15 month old baby girl placed with us. On March 1, 2013, after living with us for over a year, baby girl was taken and given to an Aunt in another state. Failed adoption number 4.

Through all of this, my husband Mark has been the best friend, nurse, Father, husband, caretaker ever. He deserves to have a child. WE deserve to have a child. We've looked into adoption and have started the process, which could take years. Any financial help would be so appreciated!

It's so quiet around here!

Little man left on Friday.  No tears, no screaming, no big goodbye party....just a simple "okay love you bye".  We were too busy getting ready for, and going to, the concert that night to give it a lot of thought.  But now that's it's quiet around here once again, it's SO quiet!

Mark and I are enjoying the peace for the moment.  Not sure for how long before it's just too darned quiet.  Already packing for our trip.  Have airline seats assigned.  Found out that I can bring an extra bag just for my medical supplies (CPAP, bandages, catheters, medication), so we might not need a checked bag.  Although just one pair of Mark's shoes (size 13wide) would fill a carry-on bag.

Trying to decide what to do with the little man's nursery.  Am considering redoing it in a simple plain neutral color and donating all his train things. A lot of it went with him, but we still have the bedding and drapes, etc.  For now, keeping that door closed and letting it go until after our trip.

Heard from the special needs adoption agency.  The class we need to take is full for September, so it will be October before we can be complete with our training.  The social worker assigned to our case (YES!  We have our own social worker!) will be in touch this week or next to set up the first of many home visits to start the process.

And with that, I must go start cleaning!!

Mark and I

We may never have children.  In fact, it's looking like that's a very real possibility.  Just coming to grips with what that means.  We've run out of options.  Special Needs adoption was our last hope and we haven't heard back on our application.  Maybe soon, maybe not.  Our fostering plainly isn't the answer.  All it does is bring on more heartbreak.

It's so quiet in our house.

Advice from a friend

I received this message from a friend today.  I am feeling very depressed today because we said goodbye to our foster son yesterday.  This message is helping put things into perspective.

Mindi - I just wanted to let you know that I've been keeping up with your blog throughout your journey. I know each of us has our own battle, but I can honestly say "giving up" was the best thing we did. I know you've been trying for so much longer than us, but I didn't realize how much I was letting "BABY" ruin my marriage, my finances, my life. I was in such a tunnel vision trying to get this baby, that nothing else mattered. I was miserable, my husband and I were in a bad place, and it was taking over my entire brain! The moment we decided to "take a break" before signing up for full-fledged adoption, this weird weight came off my shoulders. I NOW realize how much time I wasted. Now that it's been a few years, we're traveling more, enjoying each others company, taking up new hobbies (we bought a bike!). I'm enjoying my life as it is today, not how I want it to be tomorrow. Sometimes I"m still sad, and I haven't completely given up hope, and it definitely took some time to feel comfortable with it... but it's been good. I say this because I don't want you to feel like "you're giving up," because you aren't. You've given so much time & effort, and have been an amazing driving force in so many people's lives. You can give in so many other ways, through work or volunteering, or animal rescue. Whatever. Instead of "giving up," you're choosing to live in the moment now; enjoy what you have and celebrate the little wins. I hope this reaches you well, and enjoy your trip to VT!

I find it interesting

I find it very interesting how quickly things, attitudes, relationships, can change.

Once someone has gotten everything they want out of you, it's quite disturbing how you are cast aside.

What is even more interesting is how well my memory works when it comes to these things.  I do not forget how I was treated badly.  And I will not be available for any questions or help because of the way I was treated.

You're on your own.  Good luck with that one!

Def Leppard and KISS

We went to see the show last night.  Got home at 2 AM.  This morning I feel like a truck ran me over.  And I may never hear properly again.  Wondering if I'm getting too old for this?

Amazing venue.  Awesome weather, absolutely perfect.  The show was great!

Thank goodness I don't drink anymore.....beer was $12 a can there.  Water was $6.00

Here are some very cool photos our friend Jen took!  We were ten rows from the stage!

Leanna Lorraine

I sent you a couple emails Leanna.  Please try to read them before the 5th of September!

Gene Simmons, you make me sad.

Very bad timing and very poor choice of sentiment.  Off to go see KISS and Def Leppard tonight.  Kind of wish my friend hadn't pointed this out to me.

https://tv.yahoo.com/news/gene-simmons-tells-depressed-people-f-k-kill-154600164.html

Tomorrow

Tomorrow we say goodbye to the little man.  He is going to leave us and be reunified with his Mother.  Although I can't control people's perceptions of Mark and I as parents, I can say that you don't know unless you've lived it.

We tried as best we could with him.  We loved him, and WILL love him, forever.  We had hoped that he would be our forever child.  And when we knew he was going home, we did what we could to make that the easiest transition possible.

We are going to try and make today the best day ever with little man.  A walk and a playtime in the park.  Dinner will be whatever he wants (barring things he can't eat, like sugar).  We want to make good memories and have him leave with good memories of his time with us.

We will miss him.  A lot.

Goodbye

No need to worry about me.  Death always hits me way too hard.  I just liked what this said.