a weight has been lifted

Almost 30 years ago to the date, I started the 6th grade at a new school in Chester, VT. I was scared to death that no one would like me. I'm still scared to death that no one will like me, 30 years later!! Anyway, I digress.

It was recess time. I walked out onto the playground and stood alone. A cute boy with a sweet smile walked over to me with a basketball in his hands. We'll call him "Ralph" to protect the innocent. Ralph smiled at me and said "if you step onto the concrete part of this playground, I'm going to throw this basketball at your head and kill you." I was instantly in "love".

Fast-forward about four years. I lost some baby fat over the summer between the 8th and 9th grade. Came back to school, and Ralph FINALLY asked me to go out with him. From the beginning, our relationship was turbulent. We were either making out in the hallway, or I was "testing" him by being as mean as I could and pushing him away, just to see if he loved me enough to come back. And he usually did. Thirty years later, I can still remember just how mean I was to him....and he's not the only one who has suffered the wrath of Mindi. I've tested most of my relationships throughout my life. Ralph finally had enough of me and dumped me. It absolutely broke my heart. I can still remember the heartbreak, 25 years later.

I had thought about Ralph over the last 30 years. A lot. I hoped that someday I would get the chance to apologize to him. I wondered if he remembered me. I wondered if he ever thought of me. I am in a wonderful marriage now. I'm done with the testing. I knew it was right from the start and didn't need to test Mark. And yet, Ralph was still in the back of my mind.

Last night, I "talked" to Ralph and his wife online. For a while. I got the chance to apologize. I hope he accepted it. It seems that his new wife has changed him, for the better. It's hard to express how I feel today....other than to say, a weight has been lifted. I feel like I can move on now, from that grade school relationship......relief. This is NOT a "Love Inn"....those who know me well know what that means.