Saturday, December 6, 2014
Tess's Story
Tess's Story:
We belong to an adoption group that places special needs children/babies. I saw a post for Tess (Teresa, the bio parents named her). I sent in our profile to the agency and within a few hours, we were told that we had a daughter!
The post that prompted our submission included her medical conditions:
Tess had already had heart surgery for pulmonary atresia, VSD, and PDA. She had a low birth weight. She was baby B of a set of triplets. She had a GTube for feedings and a preliminary diagnosis of SCID. She would need a thymus transplant at Duke Hospital in North Carolina. She needed a family where one parent stayed at home, where there were no other children, and parents willing to travel for up to six months with her to NC.
Tess had been in NICU for most of her life, in isolation. In order to see her, we had to put on gowns, gloves and masks. She would be discharged from the NICU with the Gtube feedings; she would require IG infusion once a month for antibiotics; she had three meds to also go into her feeding tube, and they thought that she would come home with a pulse oxometer (she didn't!). Genetic testing had been sent off and the results are still pending. And the hospital mentioned what a sweet baby Tess was (they were not kidding!)
And so, with this information, we decided to go for it. She sounded perfect for Mark and I and for our parenting experience. And she is...just perfect!
We kept the name the bio parents chose for her (Tess as a nickname) and gave her a name to honor my little sister, Kathy Jo, who passed away when she was eight when we were hit by a car. And so, she is Teresa Katherine.
Everything happened SO quickly, we have yet to finish her nursery. We've been blessed to have friends and family send things for our Tess. Thank you so much!
We are registered at Babies R Us, for anyone feeling so inclined.
I hope no one gets sick of me posting about our daughter. And if you do...tough!!
Friday, December 5, 2014
Not ungrateful!
Our visiting nurse helped us figure some things out today. Love visiting nurses!
This is going to sound like an ungrateful post and it's really NOT meant to be that way at all!
Tess has no more room in her closet or bureaus for clothing. She is maxed out on the clothing gig.
What we really want/need for her is in this registry. She needs storage in her room, mostly for all the gifts people have sent to her! She needs crib sheets and changing table sheets. She needs (more of a want) some pretty artwork for the walls of her nursery. She needs a swing and a high chair and an extra car seat (yes, too expensive, we know). She needs batteries for all the gifts that everyone has bought her! There is a beautiful floor mat that would look awesome in her room and allow her more cushioning during tummy time and physical therapy. She needs the wedge for her crib because she's likely to get torticollis if we don't start getting her to turn her head to the right.
Lots of needs, unfortunately not lots of money to fulfill her needs. The recent adoption expense plus the very expensive travel, rental car and being away from home for two weeks has maxed us out. We have what we absolutely NEED right now, and certainly don't feel obligated in any way. But this list has things we'd still LIKE for her.
Thank you and have a nice day!
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Life is crazy
I wouldn't change it for the world....I just wish we had more time to just BE with Tess. All day at the hospital, all day on the phone, all day with therapists. Overwhelming.
Tomorrow, only one at-home appointment, I think. Tomorrow, we shall cuddle.
Here is the link to our online baby shower for Tess. http://www.toysrus.com/registry/myregistry/index.jsp?tab=myRegistry
Monday, December 1, 2014
Welcome Baby Tess!
Mark and I are the proud parents of a four-month-old baby girl. Her name is Teresa (honoring her birth parents chosen name for her), Katherine (after my little sister who passed away). We spent the last two weeks in Texas with her in the NICU and finally flew home on Friday the 28th. Tess's first full day in our home was also the 35th anniversary of the car accident that took my little sister Kathy-Jo's life. Meant to be.
Tess is medically fragile. She has had heart surgery. She is missing a thymus and will need a transplant done at Duke University in NC. Tess and I will be living in NC for six months or so, with Mark flying in when he can. Once transplant is complete, she should be a "regular" child and lead a normal, long life. For now, she is living in a glass bubble. Mark and I, and her specialists, are the only ones to see and hold Tess. She can catch things very easily and we are not exposing her to germs. She will only leave the house for doctors' appointments.
We received the phone call on Friday Nov 14 and I flew out on November 15 to San Antonio. Mark flew in on Thursday. An hour after the phone call, and the submission of our profile, we were told that we had a daughter. And she is beautiful. And she is very well loved by everyone!
Not even a month after our home study was complete, we are now a complete family. It's amazing how life works, isn't it?
Here is a link to Tess's baby shower online:
http://www.toysrus.com/registry/myregistry/index.jsp
And here is our beautiful Tess!
Sunday, August 31, 2014
And so it begins....please share this with friends!
Mindi and Mark are hosting a Tastefully Simple and a Thirty One party the month of September to raise money for their adoption fund. Half of the commission from each party will be donated to the fund.
The fall/winter lines are live and there is a ton of new products! Here are the links for ordering:
Tastefully Simple: www.tastefullysimple.com/
Thirty One: http://
Please share this event with your family and friends. If you have any questions about any of the products please let me know. :-)
The fall/winter lines are live and there is a ton of new products! Here are the links for ordering:
Tastefully Simple: www.tastefullysimple.com/
Thirty One: http://
Please share this event with your family and friends. If you have any questions about any of the products please let me know. :-)
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Friday, August 29, 2014
Our story
This is what we consider to be our "last chance" at having a child in our lives. I'm 46 now. I've lost three children and three years ago lost my bladder and uterus to cancer. I am now cancer-free! We've fostered children for years and had four failed adoptions. Last chance adoption. If we can afford it.
My life reads like a soap opera. When I was 11, my sisters and I were hit by a car while waiting for the school bus. My little sister Kathy didn't survive. I was raised by a wonderful Mom and an abusive alcoholic Father. And then I married an abusive, drug addicted husband. Stayed with him for 12 years until I had the strength to leave.
In 2001, I met Mark, the most wonderful man ever. We married in 2003. In 2005, at the age of 37, Mark and I conceived our first child. In 2006, I gave birth to our son Daniel, too early for him to survive. Later that year, we lost our second child.
Fast forward to 2010 (time spent between 2006 and 2010 resulted in our becoming foster parents and having three failed adoptions). At the age of 42, I found out I was pregnant. Went for an ultrasound, where they found numerous tumors in my bladder. I lost the baby and started chemotherapy in Dec 2010.
In March 2011, I had my bladder surgically removed, along with my uterus....losing any chance of having our own baby. But, in the end, I was/am currently cancer-free. We named our third baby "Angel" for saving my life.
We became licensed as foster parents again, and had a 15 month old baby girl placed with us. On March 1, 2013, after living with us for over a year, baby girl was taken and given to an Aunt in another state. Failed adoption number 4.
After taking a much needed break, we began doing respite for, and then shared parenting, and then took placement of our pre-adoptive foster son. He had some issues, mostly with reactive attachment disorder. We took him to therapy, occupational therapy and tried to get him into RAD assessment. We were told that he needed to be in his forever home in order to get him that therapy. We were told we would be adopting him. He left our home two weeks ago to go back with his Mother. Failed adoption number 5.
Our first foster child was born at 28 weeks, 3 pounds. We had him for six months. He required occupation, physical and speech therapy. He had to wear a craniocap. He had to see a physician of some kind weekly. And we loved him to pieces and would have adopted him in a heartbeat.
Through all of this, my husband Mark has been the best friend, nurse, Father, husband, caretaker ever. He deserves to have a child. WE deserve to have a child. We've looked into adoption and have started the process, which could take years.
Fundraisers to help Mark and Mindi afford adoption
http://www.gofundme.com/Help-Us-Be-A-Family
https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/h875/help-us-adopt-
My life reads like a soap opera. When I was 11, my sisters and I were hit by a car while waiting for the school bus. My little sister Kathy didn't survive. I was raised by a wonderful Mom and an abusive alcoholic Father. And then I married an abusive, drug addicted husband. Stayed with him for 12 years until I had the strength to leave.
In 2001, I met Mark, the most wonderful man ever. We married in 2003. In 2005, at the age of 37, Mark and I conceived our first child. In 2006, I gave birth to our son Daniel, too early for him to survive. Later that year, we lost our second child.
Fast forward to 2010 (time spent between 2006 and 2010 resulted in our becoming foster parents and having three failed adoptions). At the age of 42, I found out I was pregnant. Went for an ultrasound, where they found numerous tumors in my bladder. I lost the baby and started chemotherapy in Dec 2010.
In March 2011, I had my bladder surgically removed, along with my uterus....losing any chance of having our own baby. But, in the end, I was/am currently cancer-free. We named our third baby "Angel" for saving my life.
We became licensed as foster parents again, and had a 15 month old baby girl placed with us. On March 1, 2013, after living with us for over a year, baby girl was taken and given to an Aunt in another state. Failed adoption number 4.
After taking a much needed break, we began doing respite for, and then shared parenting, and then took placement of our pre-adoptive foster son. He had some issues, mostly with reactive attachment disorder. We took him to therapy, occupational therapy and tried to get him into RAD assessment. We were told that he needed to be in his forever home in order to get him that therapy. We were told we would be adopting him. He left our home two weeks ago to go back with his Mother. Failed adoption number 5.
Our first foster child was born at 28 weeks, 3 pounds. We had him for six months. He required occupation, physical and speech therapy. He had to wear a craniocap. He had to see a physician of some kind weekly. And we loved him to pieces and would have adopted him in a heartbeat.
Through all of this, my husband Mark has been the best friend, nurse, Father, husband, caretaker ever. He deserves to have a child. WE deserve to have a child. We've looked into adoption and have started the process, which could take years.
Fundraisers to help Mark and Mindi afford adoption
http://www.gofundme.com/Help-Us-Be-A-Family
https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/h875/help-us-adopt-
Fundraising Parties
My friend and I have decided to have two fundraising parties in the month of September. Mostly because there are new catalogs out. And a little bit because I'm going to be relatively busy in September and won't be able to bug people as much as I normally do.
I am asking that my friends and family share the party information on their walls, with their friends and family and invite people to the event.
We are in the beginning stages of adoption and could use every penny we can get!
Thanks so much!
I am asking that my friends and family share the party information on their walls, with their friends and family and invite people to the event.
We are in the beginning stages of adoption and could use every penny we can get!
Thanks so much!
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Adoption agency
We are done with
fostering. We will be doing some respite
(overnights/weekends/short term) work with the county as well as
with an agency that only works with medically fragile children.
We went to an adoption agency today.
Update.....
LOVE the agency, LOVE who would be our worker.....they are waiting on confirmation from my Oncologists that I am cancer-free and once they have that paperwork, they will be starting our home study. We will have that home study submitted for any child we have an interest in, all over the USA. It will be a special needs adoption, hopefully for a child age 5 and under.
We now have links to multiple sites and are very interested in pursuing special needs adoption. We are currently looking at a site with children who are HIV+ and available for adoption.
Please keep us in your thoughts/prayers/good karma vibes!
Update.....
LOVE the agency, LOVE who would be our worker.....they are waiting on confirmation from my Oncologists that I am cancer-free and once they have that paperwork, they will be starting our home study. We will have that home study submitted for any child we have an interest in, all over the USA. It will be a special needs adoption, hopefully for a child age 5 and under.
We now have links to multiple sites and are very interested in pursuing special needs adoption. We are currently looking at a site with children who are HIV+ and available for adoption.
Please keep us in your thoughts/prayers/good karma vibes!
Doctors Appointment
Overheard at my doctor's, just a bit ago:
Me "Did you see my b/p?"
Doctor: "Well, at least you're still sitting upright"
Doctor: "Well, at least you're still sitting upright"
My bp was 88/58. My HA1C is now at non-diabetic levels, 6.3. I have been taken off of all b/p meds immediately and have to go in (I can walk there) for regular b/p checks for a while. I have only lost 8 pounds since last time, but she seems to think that I am "wasting away". Lowered my one insulin, took the other insulin off my chart completely. Cholesterol is perfect. Only took two people and three sticks to draw blood this time and I have two fancy shmancy Snoopy bandaids to prove it!
And I have in hand a letter for Mark and a letter for me, from the doctor, for the adoption agency, stating that in all likelihood, we will both be alive for at least another 20 years to raise a child. And I am cancer free!
And I have in hand a letter for Mark and a letter for me, from the doctor, for the adoption agency, stating that in all likelihood, we will both be alive for at least another 20 years to raise a child. And I am cancer free!
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Food for Thought
How do you explain to people who say that if you're fundraising, you shouldn't adopt a child because you cannot afford to raise a child? How do you make them understand that there are many fees attached to the adoption process that not everyone knows about? Or that there's a tax write-off for adoption funds? Or that you DO have the funds and home and heart to raise a child in a very nice home, to save money for their college fund, to take care of them....but you don't necessarily have the 10k to 50k+ upfront that could be needed for an adoption?
Received this message tonight on one of our fundraisers. Not sure if I should waste my time and think about this some more....or not give it a second thought?
A message I received tonight on my GOFUNDME account. Originally I deleted it. But now I'm going to put it out there. If you agree with her post, please let me know.
Dear Mindi,
Jeanette Jancee has posted a comment to your fund:
No, you are not ENTITLED to a baby. You are ESPECIALLY not entitled to SOMEBODY ELSE's baby! The fact that you're fundraising?? Tells me you CANNOT AFFORD A BABY. This business of claiming to be able to care for a kid but not pay the fees to adopt that kid? A TOTAL CROCK!! Do you know why women relinquish babies? Cuz they cannot afford to raise them!! Neither can YOU!
Sign-in to manage your comments: http://www.gofundme.com/
View your fund: http://www.gofundme.com/Help-Us-Be-A-Family
Thank you,
The GoFundMe Team
Received this message tonight on one of our fundraisers. Not sure if I should waste my time and think about this some more....or not give it a second thought?
A message I received tonight on my GOFUNDME account. Originally I deleted it. But now I'm going to put it out there. If you agree with her post, please let me know.
Dear Mindi,
Jeanette Jancee has posted a comment to your fund:
No, you are not ENTITLED to a baby. You are ESPECIALLY not entitled to SOMEBODY ELSE's baby! The fact that you're fundraising?? Tells me you CANNOT AFFORD A BABY. This business of claiming to be able to care for a kid but not pay the fees to adopt that kid? A TOTAL CROCK!! Do you know why women relinquish babies? Cuz they cannot afford to raise them!! Neither can YOU!
Sign-in to manage your comments: http://www.gofundme.com/
View your fund: http://www.gofundme.com/Help-Us-Be-A-Family
Thank you,
The GoFundMe Team
Monday, August 25, 2014
QON:
What do you do what you want a child and your husband deserves a child and you find out it may never happen (or you may never have enough money to make it happen)? I know a lot of my friends don't have children and want them. Most are younger than me. If you were told that you would never have a forever child, how do you make that okay in your head?
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Do you know?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʟɪғᴇ ɪs sʜᴏᴡɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ
Wʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ...?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴇᴛ
Wʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ʜᴏᴘɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ
Wʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ
Tʜᴇʀᴇ's ɴᴏ ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴅᴏᴏʀ
Wʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏᴘɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ...?
Oɴᴄᴇ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇ sᴛᴀɴᴅɪɴɢ sᴛɪʟʟ ɪɴ ᴛɪᴍᴇ
Cʜᴀsɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴀɴᴛᴀsɪᴇs
Tʜᴀᴛ ғɪʟʟᴇᴅ ᴏᴜʀ ᴍɪɴᴅs
Yᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴇᴡ ʜᴏᴡ I ʟᴏᴠᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ
Bᴜᴛ ᴍʏ sᴘɪʀɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ғʀᴇᴇ
Lᴀᴜɢʜɪɴ' ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴs
Tʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏɴᴄᴇ ᴀsᴋᴇᴅ ᴏғ ᴍᴇ
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʟɪғᴇ ɪs sʜᴏᴡɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ
Wʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ...?
Nᴏᴡ ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴀʟʟ ᴡᴇ'ᴠᴇ ᴘʟᴀɴɴᴇᴅ
Wᴇ ʟᴇᴛ sᴏ ᴍᴀɴʏ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍs
Jᴜsᴛ sʟɪᴘ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴏᴜʀ ʜᴀɴᴅs
Wʜʏ ᴍᴜsᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴀɪᴛ sᴏ ʟᴏɴɢ
Bᴇғᴏʀᴇ ᴡᴇ'ʟʟ sᴇᴇ
Hᴏᴡ sᴀᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀɴsᴡᴇʀs
Tᴏ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴs ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴇ
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʟɪғᴇ ɪs sʜᴏᴡɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ
Wʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ...?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴇᴛ
Wʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ʜᴏᴘɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ
Wʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ
Tʜᴇʀᴇ's ɴᴏ ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴅᴏᴏʀ
Wʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏᴘɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ...?
Saturday, August 23, 2014
I am, I said
Left store, put bags into car. Went to start car. Saw man asleep behind wheel of another car (a Cadillac SRX). Heard annoying car alarm and wondered why asleep man didn't wake up and shut it off. Got out of my car and went up to the other car (hey, at least I got to see the inside of one of the vehicles we're considering). Put hand on man's arm. Then realized that the alarm was coming from my car. Apologized for waking him. Shut my car alarm off.
Me
Friday, August 22, 2014
Lingering
So it's been a week since the child left our home. It's been two weeks since Robin Williams took his own life. I have so much to look forward to in the next few weeks, and yet this overwhelming sadness has taken over my life. I feel empty, useless, a failure.
And with that public exclamation, I am calling my therapist.
Again, no worries needed. I'm a survivor.
And with that public exclamation, I am calling my therapist.
Again, no worries needed. I'm a survivor.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
And then
This is what we consider to be our "last chance" at having a child in our lives. I just turned 46. I've lost three children and two years ago lost my bladder and uterus to cancer. We've fostered children for years and had four failed adoptions. Last chance adoption. If we can afford it.
My life reads like a soap opera. When I was 11, my sisters and I were hit by a car while waiting for the school bus. My little sister Kathy didn't survive. I was raised by a wonderful Mom and an abusive alcoholic Father. And then I married an abusive, drug addicted husband. Stayed with him for 12 years until I had the strength to leave.
In 2001, I met Mark, the most wonderful man ever. We married in 2003. In 2005, at the age of 37, Mark and I conceived our first child. In 2006, I gave birth to our son Daniel, too early for him to survive. Later that year, we lost our second child.
Fast forward to 2010 (time spent between 2006 and 2010 resulted in our becoming foster parents and having three failed adoptions). At the age of 42, I found out I was pregnant. Went for an ultrasound, where they found numerous tumors in my bladder. I lost the baby and started chemotherapy in Dec 2010.
In March 2011, I had my bladder surgically removed, along with my uterus....losing any chance of having our own baby. But, in the end, I was/am currently cancer-free. We named our third baby "Angel" for saving my life.
We became licensed as foster parents again, and had a 15 month old baby girl placed with us. On March 1, 2013, after living with us for over a year, baby girl was taken and given to an Aunt in another state. Failed adoption number 4.
Through all of this, my husband Mark has been the best friend, nurse, Father, husband, caretaker ever. He deserves to have a child. WE deserve to have a child. We've looked into adoption and have started the process, which could take years. Any financial help would be so appreciated!
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
It's so quiet around here!
Little man left on Friday. No tears, no screaming, no big goodbye party....just a simple "okay love you bye". We were too busy getting ready for, and going to, the concert that night to give it a lot of thought. But now that's it's quiet around here once again, it's SO quiet!
Mark and I are enjoying the peace for the moment. Not sure for how long before it's just too darned quiet. Already packing for our trip. Have airline seats assigned. Found out that I can bring an extra bag just for my medical supplies (CPAP, bandages, catheters, medication), so we might not need a checked bag. Although just one pair of Mark's shoes (size 13wide) would fill a carry-on bag.
Trying to decide what to do with the little man's nursery. Am considering redoing it in a simple plain neutral color and donating all his train things. A lot of it went with him, but we still have the bedding and drapes, etc. For now, keeping that door closed and letting it go until after our trip.
Heard from the special needs adoption agency. The class we need to take is full for September, so it will be October before we can be complete with our training. The social worker assigned to our case (YES! We have our own social worker!) will be in touch this week or next to set up the first of many home visits to start the process.
And with that, I must go start cleaning!!
Mark and I are enjoying the peace for the moment. Not sure for how long before it's just too darned quiet. Already packing for our trip. Have airline seats assigned. Found out that I can bring an extra bag just for my medical supplies (CPAP, bandages, catheters, medication), so we might not need a checked bag. Although just one pair of Mark's shoes (size 13wide) would fill a carry-on bag.
Trying to decide what to do with the little man's nursery. Am considering redoing it in a simple plain neutral color and donating all his train things. A lot of it went with him, but we still have the bedding and drapes, etc. For now, keeping that door closed and letting it go until after our trip.
Heard from the special needs adoption agency. The class we need to take is full for September, so it will be October before we can be complete with our training. The social worker assigned to our case (YES! We have our own social worker!) will be in touch this week or next to set up the first of many home visits to start the process.
And with that, I must go start cleaning!!
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Mark and I
We may never have children. In fact, it's looking like that's a very real possibility. Just coming to grips with what that means. We've run out of options. Special Needs adoption was our last hope and we haven't heard back on our application. Maybe soon, maybe not. Our fostering plainly isn't the answer. All it does is bring on more heartbreak.
It's so quiet in our house.
It's so quiet in our house.
Advice from a friend
I received this message from a friend today. I am feeling very depressed today because we said goodbye to our foster son yesterday. This message is helping put things into perspective.
Mindi - I just wanted to let you know that I've been keeping up with your blog throughout your journey. I know each of us has our own battle, but I can honestly say "giving up" was the best thing we did. I know you've been trying for so much longer than us, but I didn't realize how much I was letting "BABY" ruin my marriage, my finances, my life. I was in such a tunnel vision trying to get this baby, that nothing else mattered. I was miserable, my husband and I were in a bad place, and it was taking over my entire brain! The moment we decided to "take a break" before signing up for full-fledged adoption, this weird weight came off my shoulders. I NOW realize how much time I wasted. Now that it's been a few years, we're traveling more, enjoying each others company, taking up new hobbies (we bought a bike!). I'm enjoying my life as it is today, not how I want it to be tomorrow. Sometimes I"m still sad, and I haven't completely given up hope, and it definitely took some time to feel comfortable with it... but it's been good. I say this because I don't want you to feel like "you're giving up," because you aren't. You've given so much time & effort, and have been an amazing driving force in so many people's lives. You can give in so many other ways, through work or volunteering, or animal rescue. Whatever. Instead of "giving up," you're choosing to live in the moment now; enjoy what you have and celebrate the little wins. I hope this reaches you well, and enjoy your trip to VT!
Mindi - I just wanted to let you know that I've been keeping up with your blog throughout your journey. I know each of us has our own battle, but I can honestly say "giving up" was the best thing we did. I know you've been trying for so much longer than us, but I didn't realize how much I was letting "BABY" ruin my marriage, my finances, my life. I was in such a tunnel vision trying to get this baby, that nothing else mattered. I was miserable, my husband and I were in a bad place, and it was taking over my entire brain! The moment we decided to "take a break" before signing up for full-fledged adoption, this weird weight came off my shoulders. I NOW realize how much time I wasted. Now that it's been a few years, we're traveling more, enjoying each others company, taking up new hobbies (we bought a bike!). I'm enjoying my life as it is today, not how I want it to be tomorrow. Sometimes I"m still sad, and I haven't completely given up hope, and it definitely took some time to feel comfortable with it... but it's been good. I say this because I don't want you to feel like "you're giving up," because you aren't. You've given so much time & effort, and have been an amazing driving force in so many people's lives. You can give in so many other ways, through work or volunteering, or animal rescue. Whatever. Instead of "giving up," you're choosing to live in the moment now; enjoy what you have and celebrate the little wins. I hope this reaches you well, and enjoy your trip to VT!
I find it interesting
I find it very interesting how quickly things, attitudes, relationships, can change.
Once someone has gotten everything they want out of you, it's quite disturbing how you are cast aside.
What is even more interesting is how well my memory works when it comes to these things. I do not forget how I was treated badly. And I will not be available for any questions or help because of the way I was treated.
You're on your own. Good luck with that one!
Once someone has gotten everything they want out of you, it's quite disturbing how you are cast aside.
What is even more interesting is how well my memory works when it comes to these things. I do not forget how I was treated badly. And I will not be available for any questions or help because of the way I was treated.
You're on your own. Good luck with that one!
Def Leppard and KISS
Amazing venue. Awesome weather, absolutely perfect. The show was great!
Thank goodness I don't drink anymore.....beer was $12 a can there. Water was $6.00
Here are some very cool photos our friend Jen took! We were ten rows from the stage!
Friday, August 15, 2014
Leanna Lorraine
I sent you a couple emails Leanna. Please try to read them before the 5th of September!
Gene Simmons, you make me sad.
Very bad timing and very poor choice of sentiment. Off to go see KISS and Def Leppard tonight. Kind of wish my friend hadn't pointed this out to me.
https://tv.yahoo.com/news/gene-simmons-tells-depressed-people-f-k-kill-154600164.html
https://tv.yahoo.com/news/gene-simmons-tells-depressed-people-f-k-kill-154600164.html
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Tomorrow
Tomorrow we say goodbye to the little man. He is going to leave us and be reunified with his Mother. Although I can't control people's perceptions of Mark and I as parents, I can say that you don't know unless you've lived it.
We tried as best we could with him. We loved him, and WILL love him, forever. We had hoped that he would be our forever child. And when we knew he was going home, we did what we could to make that the easiest transition possible.
We are going to try and make today the best day ever with little man. A walk and a playtime in the park. Dinner will be whatever he wants (barring things he can't eat, like sugar). We want to make good memories and have him leave with good memories of his time with us.
We will miss him. A lot.
We tried as best we could with him. We loved him, and WILL love him, forever. We had hoped that he would be our forever child. And when we knew he was going home, we did what we could to make that the easiest transition possible.
We are going to try and make today the best day ever with little man. A walk and a playtime in the park. Dinner will be whatever he wants (barring things he can't eat, like sugar). We want to make good memories and have him leave with good memories of his time with us.
We will miss him. A lot.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Doing everything that I possibly can
Finding it hard to please everyone all the time.
Finding it depressing as hell to keep trying and get little or no appreciation for what I do.
Finding it difficult to figure out what more I can do to please people.
Finding it sad that me, just being me, isn't enough.
Finding myself so paranoid that no one likes me, no one wants to spend time with me.
Finding it sad that, just a day ago, I was so happy and excited to take this trip and now....eh.
Finding it very easy to just give up.
Finding it depressing as hell to keep trying and get little or no appreciation for what I do.
Finding it difficult to figure out what more I can do to please people.
Finding it sad that me, just being me, isn't enough.
Finding myself so paranoid that no one likes me, no one wants to spend time with me.
Finding it sad that, just a day ago, I was so happy and excited to take this trip and now....eh.
Finding it very easy to just give up.
Why
No one is really owed an explanation as to why Mark and I gave our notice for baby boy to be moved, but we're going to give it to you, short and sweet, so that you know that we aren't horrible people.
In order for little man to get the help, the therapy, the evaluation that he needs (just our opinion), he needs to be living with his forever primary caregiver. Mark and I are not that. We are his foster home. He will be going to live where he belongs, with family. Once he's living there, he can have all the aforementioned studies done in order to help him lead a happier life.
And so, in letting him go as soon as we could, we are not giving him up. We are giving him hope.
In order for little man to get the help, the therapy, the evaluation that he needs (just our opinion), he needs to be living with his forever primary caregiver. Mark and I are not that. We are his foster home. He will be going to live where he belongs, with family. Once he's living there, he can have all the aforementioned studies done in order to help him lead a happier life.
And so, in letting him go as soon as we could, we are not giving him up. We are giving him hope.
Monday, August 11, 2014
All in all, a great day!
Today started with the little man being in a GREAT mood! He's off to a two-night visit with his Mom, back on Wednesday afternoon. It's always nice to be able to say goodbye with a happy hug and kiss (and an "okay love you bye"). We played "red light, green light" outside this morning while waiting for his social worker. It's a game his occupational therapist introduced to him, to help him learn how to regulate his feelings and emotions. The yellow (or "lello") light trips him up sometimes....hard for a three-year-old to handle going slow!
Went for a 2.5 mile walk by myself after he left. Walked past a woman walking two dogs at the 1 mile marker. Had never met her before. But since she had a huge black Newfoundland in one hand and a huger English Mastiff in the other, I had to ask if I could pet them. I ended up in the nearby soccer field, with Ted and Frank, in my lap!
Went to the dentist this afternoon. A new dentist has taken over for our retired dentist. I like him. He's a Democrat. Our old dentist, who I will miss, was a Republican. He used to make some really right-wing statements to me, always when I had some dental instrument in my mouth. We had some good conversations. I had no cavities! Love when my teeth are clean. Got an extra fluoride treatment today because of all the throwing up I've been doing since the surgery. I guess it helps save the enamel?
Discovered that the protein bars we've been eating have fake sweetener in them. Have been wondering for the last few weeks why I have a headache.....there ya go. Need to find some with Stevia as a sweetener now.
SO excited to go back to Vermont. Booked our new flights. Booked our rental car. Booked our hotel for two nights in Chester. Ordered some new clothes, ordered some travel supplies.
Sad about Robin Williams. Death always hits me hard. If any of my friends are ever feeling depressed, please talk to someone. Get on some medication. It doesn't mean you're weak, it means that you're strong enough to know that you need help. And please make sure that you always tell the people that you love that you love them!!
Have a great night everyone!!
Went for a 2.5 mile walk by myself after he left. Walked past a woman walking two dogs at the 1 mile marker. Had never met her before. But since she had a huge black Newfoundland in one hand and a huger English Mastiff in the other, I had to ask if I could pet them. I ended up in the nearby soccer field, with Ted and Frank, in my lap!
Went to the dentist this afternoon. A new dentist has taken over for our retired dentist. I like him. He's a Democrat. Our old dentist, who I will miss, was a Republican. He used to make some really right-wing statements to me, always when I had some dental instrument in my mouth. We had some good conversations. I had no cavities! Love when my teeth are clean. Got an extra fluoride treatment today because of all the throwing up I've been doing since the surgery. I guess it helps save the enamel?
Discovered that the protein bars we've been eating have fake sweetener in them. Have been wondering for the last few weeks why I have a headache.....there ya go. Need to find some with Stevia as a sweetener now.
SO excited to go back to Vermont. Booked our new flights. Booked our rental car. Booked our hotel for two nights in Chester. Ordered some new clothes, ordered some travel supplies.
Sad about Robin Williams. Death always hits me hard. If any of my friends are ever feeling depressed, please talk to someone. Get on some medication. It doesn't mean you're weak, it means that you're strong enough to know that you need help. And please make sure that you always tell the people that you love that you love them!!
Have a great night everyone!!
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Almost there!
I have changed our flights to Friday instead of Sunday. I have the car rental all set. Now I just have to get the hotel set up!
I am SO excited!
Have I mentioned that I'm excited?
I am SO excited!
Have I mentioned that I'm excited?
Saturday, August 9, 2014
So Excited!!!
I love my husband!
I half-jokingly asked him today if we could fly to Vermont a few days early so that we could stay in my hometown for a couple days, see my old homes, schools, etc. And he said YES!
I have already re-booked our flights so that now we're leaving on Sept 5 instead of Sept 7!! I am about to re-book our rental car, getting upgrade to a minivan for only $80 more, so I'll be comfortable driving it as well.
The cost of changing flights WOULD have been over $400 per ticket, but since the airline had changed our original flight schedule, they changed us to a better and much more expensive outgoing flight for FREE! YAY US!
Now searching for a hotel for two nights in Chester.
SO EXCITED!! Did I say that already?
I half-jokingly asked him today if we could fly to Vermont a few days early so that we could stay in my hometown for a couple days, see my old homes, schools, etc. And he said YES!
I have already re-booked our flights so that now we're leaving on Sept 5 instead of Sept 7!! I am about to re-book our rental car, getting upgrade to a minivan for only $80 more, so I'll be comfortable driving it as well.
The cost of changing flights WOULD have been over $400 per ticket, but since the airline had changed our original flight schedule, they changed us to a better and much more expensive outgoing flight for FREE! YAY US!
Now searching for a hotel for two nights in Chester.
SO EXCITED!! Did I say that already?
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Live Traffic Feed
Feels as if I'm always playing the part of the martyr
We always need to hear both sides of the story
"Both Sides Of The Story"
'Though we might hate to admit it, there are always two sides to every story...'
Find yourself in the gutter in a lonely part of town
where death waits in the darkness with a weapon to cut some stranger down
sleeping with an empty bottle, he's a sad and an empty hearted man
all he needs is a job, and a little respect, so he can get out while he can
We always need to hear both sides of the story
A neighbourhood peace is shattered it's the middle of the night
young faces hide in the shadows, while they watch their mother and father fight
he says she's been unfaithful, she says her love for him has gone
and the brother shrugs to his sister and says "looks like it's just us from now on"
We always need to hear both sides of the story
And the lights are all on, the world is watching now
people looking for truth, we must not fail them now
be sure, before we close our eyes
don't walk away from here
'til you hear both sides
Here we are all gathered in what seems to be the centre of the storm
neighbours once friendly now stand each side of the line that has been drawn
they've been fighting here for years, but now there's killing on the streets
while small coffins are lined up sadly, now united in defeat
We always need to hear both sides of the story
And the lights are all on, the world is watching now
people looking for truth, we must not fail them now
be sure, before we close our eyes
don't walk away from here
'til you see both sides
White man turns the corner, finds himself within a different world
ghetto kid grabs his shoulder, throws him up against the wall
he says "would you respect me if I didn't have this gun
'cos without it, I don't get it, and that's why I carry one"
We always need to hear both sides of the story
Find yourself in the gutter in a lonely part of town
where death waits in the darkness with a weapon to cut some stranger down
sleeping with an empty bottle, he's a sad and an empty hearted man
all he needs is a job, and a little respect, so he can get out while he can
We always need to hear both sides of the story
A neighbourhood peace is shattered it's the middle of the night
young faces hide in the shadows, while they watch their mother and father fight
he says she's been unfaithful, she says her love for him has gone
and the brother shrugs to his sister and says "looks like it's just us from now on"
We always need to hear both sides of the story
And the lights are all on, the world is watching now
people looking for truth, we must not fail them now
be sure, before we close our eyes
don't walk away from here
'til you hear both sides
Here we are all gathered in what seems to be the centre of the storm
neighbours once friendly now stand each side of the line that has been drawn
they've been fighting here for years, but now there's killing on the streets
while small coffins are lined up sadly, now united in defeat
We always need to hear both sides of the story
And the lights are all on, the world is watching now
people looking for truth, we must not fail them now
be sure, before we close our eyes
don't walk away from here
'til you see both sides
White man turns the corner, finds himself within a different world
ghetto kid grabs his shoulder, throws him up against the wall
he says "would you respect me if I didn't have this gun
'cos without it, I don't get it, and that's why I carry one"
We always need to hear both sides of the story
Tried my best
When someone tries their best and their best doesn't work, what else is there to do?
When someone plays by the rules and is still accused of breaking the rules, what else is there to do?
When someone takes all the classes, does all the training, reads all the books, watches all the training and still can't please anyone, what else is there to do?
When someone does everything humanly possible to get along with someone, to get along with their whole family, to take the best care of them and their family and is, in the end, looked at as the "bad one", what else is there to do?
When all someone wants to do is to help and their help is viewed as hindering, what else is there to do?
When all someone wants is to have a child of their own to love forever, and every forever falls through, what else is there to do?
When someone is NEVER given the benefit of the doubt, or even the option of defending themselves, what else is there to do?
Give up?
When someone plays by the rules and is still accused of breaking the rules, what else is there to do?
When someone takes all the classes, does all the training, reads all the books, watches all the training and still can't please anyone, what else is there to do?
When someone does everything humanly possible to get along with someone, to get along with their whole family, to take the best care of them and their family and is, in the end, looked at as the "bad one", what else is there to do?
When all someone wants to do is to help and their help is viewed as hindering, what else is there to do?
When all someone wants is to have a child of their own to love forever, and every forever falls through, what else is there to do?
When someone is NEVER given the benefit of the doubt, or even the option of defending themselves, what else is there to do?
Give up?
Almost 22 years
It's been almost 22 years now, on August 20, 1992, that my friend Jill Drenas was murdered. She was 24 years old and had a four-year-old daughter, Tamara.
Jill and Charlie were going through a rough divorce. Charlie had been abusive for years and Jill finally left him. Charlie was not allowed to carry a firearm and was supposed to be escorted to pick up his daughter for visitation by a police officer.
That day, he was in Jill's apartment with his daughter watching on....and he shot Jill three times. Jill jumped out of her second story window and he shot her two more times while she lay on the ground dying. She didn't stand a chance.
It's been 22 years, and everyone involved still dreads the month of August. We all try to keep Jill's memory alive as much as possible. Her estranged husband is attempting to get out of prison now. We all are hoping he stays in there forever.
http://www.nashuatelegraph.com/news/923488-196/pain-hasnt-healed-19-years-after-murder.html
Jill and Charlie were going through a rough divorce. Charlie had been abusive for years and Jill finally left him. Charlie was not allowed to carry a firearm and was supposed to be escorted to pick up his daughter for visitation by a police officer.
That day, he was in Jill's apartment with his daughter watching on....and he shot Jill three times. Jill jumped out of her second story window and he shot her two more times while she lay on the ground dying. She didn't stand a chance.
It's been 22 years, and everyone involved still dreads the month of August. We all try to keep Jill's memory alive as much as possible. Her estranged husband is attempting to get out of prison now. We all are hoping he stays in there forever.
http://www.nashuatelegraph.com/news/923488-196/pain-hasnt-healed-19-years-after-murder.html
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Court
Just got off the telephone with my attorney. I have a relatively big deal of a court hearing coming up on Friday. Would LOVE some good mojo, prayers, crossing of fingers and toes, spectacular vibes sent my way. Please and thank you.
Will update more when I know more!
edited to add: Spoke with him once again, have more information for the court case now!
Will update more when I know more!
edited to add: Spoke with him once again, have more information for the court case now!
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Mrs.
We are discussing and keep delaying the inevitable. We think it's time that Mrs. be put to sleep. She is 14 year old and has recently (or actually over the past year) lost control of her bowels. Today she has pooped in the house three times and urinated once. She's out of sorts. Every time we bring her to the vet, they prescribe another antibiotic for her, thinking that's going to cure her. They've done a million tests on her. There's not a lot more that can be done.
It makes us sad that Mrs, AKA Nora, AKA "No Not Now" might be leaving us. We've been in love with her for four years now. She's our first failed foster. We knew once we met her that we were going to keep her forever. I can't imagine saying goodbye.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Dr. Maya Angelou
"Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time." ~Dr. Maya Angelou
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."
"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style."
"Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud."
"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.
"You are the sum total of everything you've ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it's all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.
"One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.
"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."
"Nothing can dim the light which shines from within."
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."
"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style."
"Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud."
"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.
"You are the sum total of everything you've ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it's all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.
"One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.
"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."
"Nothing can dim the light which shines from within."
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