If Tomorrow Never Comes

These past few years have taught me a LOT.  You just never know.  You never know if you'll wake up in the morning.  You never know if the last thing you say to someone is the last thing that person will ever hear. The last words my little sister heard from me are "I hate you and I wish you would die".  Yes, I was 11.  I've learned a LOT since then, and still remember those words, 34 years later.

If I die today, I want to make sure all my friends and family know how I feel.

I want Mark to know that he literally saved my life on May 25, 2001....the first day he met me.  He has put up with so much from me....such bad behavior, such selfish tirades.  He's been through the loss of our three children, the loss of his Grandparents, the loss of his Dad.  I don't want him to suffer anymore.  This man deserves everything and more.  He deserves to be happy and have a good life, with or without me.  I am so thankful, and so in love with him.  I have no idea what I would do without him and I pray to God I never have to find out.  I'm pretty sure that everyone knows just how I feel about Mark, and would hope that if anything DID happen to me, they can remind him of just how much he meant to me.

My friends, the ones I HAVE met.  Lane, for coming all the way to WI to help out when I had my surgery.  Amazing.  Still amazed.  And always thankful.  Mellie and kids.  For driving all the way here the weekend before my surgery, having never met me, just to take my mind off the impending surgery. For having my back.  You have no idea how much that means to me.  Bryan, our mutual love of dogs.  My rational sounding board.  I always feel like you "get" me.  Cathy from VT.  Always there with Motherly advice.  Bailed us out of a long hotel stay and always made both Mark and I feel like a part of your family.  Beverly, Carolyn, Greg and Kate.....the Harts.  I feel like I've discovered my second family over the past few years.  Always supportive and loving.  I adore this family.  Dodie, for discovering my diabetes and helping me turn my life around.  I hope that things start looking up for you and Charlie.  You deserve it.  Morrisville Diane.  You drive me crazy, and I love you to pieces.  You always came to my aid when I lived in VT.  I miss you a ton.  Carrie, my friend that I met oh so many years ago, at one of the worst times in my life.  You are a good person Carrie and you do so much for everyone.  I wish you happiness. Jen and Annie.  We absolutely couldn't have made it through the last few years without you two.  You've helped us in every way possible.  I hope we can someday return the favor.  Favors.  Lots of favors.  Tami from MN.  You are smart, a great Mom and have wonderful words of advice.  Thank you for being you.  Lynn and Kim.  Local friends who I don't get to see enough of, but always know I can depend on you if needed, and I hope you know the same is true for me.

My family.  Leanna, Rick, Lori, my Mom, Mark's Mom, Connie, even Miwanda. You guys are always there when it counts.  Thank you.  I love you all.

My friends, the ones I haven't met yet but really hope to meet someday. Deb in....Texas now?  We're been friends for about 10 years now, been through a lot together and I hope someday to meet!!  Missy, Noell, Teri, Angela, Viv, Stacie, Lana, Leigh, and I know that I'm forgetting a gazillion people and I'm sorry.  As I remember, I will edit and add.  Total strangers who have become friends....who listen and understand and accept.  I couldn't ask for better friends.

My health is precarious as best.  I am facing another surgery soon.  My cancer, although gone for the moment, has an 80% chance of recurrence.  Every day that I wake up breathing is a miracle.  Plus, I'm just plain old.  That being said, I hope that you all know just how much I love you and how much you all mean to me.  Forever.