Our First Foster Child

Mark and I decided in 2005 that we were going to become Foster Parents.  Things didn't seem to be working out with us conceiving on our own, and we wanted children in the house.  We were living in Minnesota.  We took the three mandatory classes, filled out a ton of paperwork, got fingerprinted, had background checks done on each of us, asked a ton of friends and family to give us a recommendation, and we were good to go.

Because of required privacy, we're going to call our first foster son Adam.  We got a phone call, before we even had license in hand, from a social worker who said she had a placement for us.  Adam had some special medical needs, as he was born very prematurely at 28 weeks and only weighed in at 2 lbs.  He was now six months old and needed a place to stay, where there were no other children, where the foster parents could get him to his numerous medical appointments.  That was us!!

To prepare for our first foster, Mark and I went out and bought $500 worth of supplies that we thought we needed.  We had, in our home, two already painted and decorated rooms, each with a crib.  One was pink and purple for a girl, and one was bright primary colors with transportation theme, for boys.

So on a May morning, Adam was brought to us by his social worker and his guardian ad litem.  Such a cute little red headed boy!  Adam had some obvious issues, some more hidden.  Adam had a flat head.  He had been in the hospital for the first months of his life, and his birth parents were too "scared" to go near him.  Adam had a hernia, a huge hernia, underneath his diaper.  And Adam had a smile that could light up a room!

We were scared to death of course!  We had never had a child live with us!  We had taken care of others' children, but never been totally in charge of a life.  Especially a life so fragile and broken.  But Adam turned out to be, with all his medical issues, a wonderful little house guest.  He slept from 7 PM until 7 AM without a peep.  Instant love!

Birth to Three came out to our home to assess Adam.  He would require weekly occupational therapy, weekly physical therapy and weekly speech therapy.  All the therapist originally came to our home, so that the birth parents could also come and watch and participate.  That is until one day when birth Dad laid down on our futon, picked his toe nails and then fell asleep.  And then during the next session, birth Mom decided she was so angry with me for taking care of her son that she attempted to run me over with her car, in our front yard.  This ended the in-home therapies and from that point forward, we had the sessions downtown in their offices instead.

We had to drive an hour away for most of Adam's appointments.  Birth parents were always invited, never showed up.  Adam was fitted with a Cranio Cap for his flat head.  We brought him for adjustments once a week.  He had a special eye doctor, a renal doctor, a urologist.  We brought him to the hospital and stayed overnight with him when he had his hernia repair.  He came through that like a trooper!  Nothing seemed to really bother Adam, and he was always smiling.

One of Adam's favorite things to do was bounce in his Jumperoo, and watch Barney, who was then just a crazy Pug puppy, run around the house like a crazy dog.  So much fun for him.  So much laughter.  Despite all the medical issues, the living in a bubble because of his immune system, the issues with birth parents....we were a happy, if a bit different, family.

When Adam had been with us for about six months, his birth Mom gave birth to his sister, we'll call her Lilly. Around that same time, the family went to court and birth Mom and children were ordered into "full-family" foster care.  They were going to be moved into a very experienced foster home, and taught how to parent.  Initially, birth Mom refused, which would have resulted in a TPR, termination of parental rights.  But in the end, she relented.  The judge ordered, for the first time that county had ever seen, visitation for Mark and I.  He had a feeling things wouldn't work out with Adam and birth Mom, and wanted to keep that bond with us, just in case.

Adam was moved to his new home in October.  His birth Mom took me aside, apologized to me for her behavior, and asked me, if things didn't work out, would Mark and I adopt both Adam and Lilly.  Of course we said yes.

A few weeks later, Grampa Vince passed away, we went to the UP Michigan for the funeral.  When we came home, we found out that I was pregnant, for the first time, at 37!  We tried to keep all the weekly visits with Adam, plus our doctor visits, and preparing for OUR baby, all nice and neatly scheduled.  There came a point where I saw that birth Mom was doing what she was supposed to be doing, she was mothering her children.  After long talks with the full-family foster Mom, Mark and I decided to withdraw our visits with Adam and let their family be a family.  And to our knowledge, they are still a family today!  Some things, things your never thought would, work out.

We'll always remember Adam, as our first and most complicated, foster son!