This post I will want comments on, please and thank you.
We went to our first adoption class today with Lutheran Social Services. We have numerous options, and have already narrowed it down to two options. We're just not equipped or ready to do anything international.
We have our application in for domestic infant adoption. The majority of the time, this would be a brand spanking (no, we don't believe in spanking) new baby. We've already stipulated that we don't care whether the child is a boy or girl. We've already stipulated that we don't care if the child is beige, yellow, brown, green or purple in color. We're already stipulated that, in our eyes, medical issues can be dealt with. What we cannot, will not, and refuse to deal with are severe emotional issues. We have been there and done that, and barely lived through it. It might sound selfish, but it's just what we know we can handle. We would welcome a deaf child, a blind child, a child with Downs, a child with AIDS. And I've always wanted to have a red-headed black baby. Long story on that one.
Anyway, the agency will draw names next week. They have about 20 families applying and 12 slots open. If our name is picked, they will do a home study, help up set up a portfolio, charge us the application fee, and then we wait to be picked. When all is said and done, the approximate cost is $17,000.
OR....we can go the "special needs" route. Basically it means that the child was taken from their parents and put into foster care. That constitutes special needs. The cost? Zero. Some miscellaneous fees that might add up to in the $1000 range. But it would be an older child. Although we can stipulate age and wouldn't want to go much beyond toddler ago. The thought of attachment disorder with an older child scares the shit out of me. But that being said, if we adopt through special needs, their therapy and medical needs would be covered for, like, ever.
What to do? Comments welcomed
Since so many seem to be reading this, I'll put the link in for our GOFUNDME fundraiser. Couldn't hurt, right?
http://www.gofundme.com/2g6mss
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I would go the special needs, younger child route. A good friend of mine that has adopted two asian children has had issues with attachment with one of them and she was little when they brought her home. So, I think that is going to happen regardless. It's an unfortunate symptom of the situation. At least this way, you know the needs of the child will always be met by the state and won't more of a financial burden on you guys.
ReplyDeleteNoell
Can't you say yes to either / or and just see what you're presented with? If I read that correctly, you can stipulate age in both situations. So, you're not going to end up with a child past the Toddler years. I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with emotional issues. As you said, you've been there - I haven't been there, but know that I would not be able to deal with a lot of emotional issues.
ReplyDeleteBless you for being willing to accept a child with medical problems. And not caring what their ethnicity is.
If it were me, I think I'd have the same dillema you pose in this post. Money being a big factor, unfortunately.
If money wasn't such an issue - I would personally prefer a brand new baby rather than a toddler or older child. But, then I think that's being selfish. LOL So many questions and considerations.
I was telling a coworker about you the other day. And we agreed that you and uncle mark must be extremely strong people with extra extra big hearts. Because, to many people adopting a child is a nice idea - but not a journey that 'I' am actually willing to or feel that I would be able to handle.
I'm proud of you <3
Just follow your heart!
I wanna know about the red-headed black baby deal!
ReplyDeleteI definitely am with you on not wanting to deal with emotional issues, so it might be tough to go with the special needs route. Although, if you can say no to anyone who is too old or whatever, guess you should check into that way.