My guilt is my own. Hardly ever brought on by someone or something else. I feel guilt over many things. I feel guilty, first and foremost, for not saving my little sister Kathy Jo's life, way back in 1979. Yes, I have felt that guilt every day over the past almost 34 years. Even though I KNOW that I couldn't have done anything, the fact remains that I told her I wished her dead the morning of the accident.
I feel guilty for having a great marriage. I am SO blessed with Mark. I have so many friends in bad relationships, that I feel guilty for the privilege of having Mark in my life. Silly really. But I truly feel that I haven't really put into the marriage what I've gotten out of it. It certainly feels that I have put Mark through hell, what with my miscarriages and cancer. He's always gotten the short end of the stick.
I get down in the dumps when someone passes away. Doesn't matter if I know them or not.
Mark and I had a discussion way back when, before we were married. The question on the table was what ONE thing would you change about each other. Almost simultaneously, Mark said "I'd change how emotional you are" and i said "I'd make you more emotional". So there you have it. He's the tit to my tat.
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