Death....again

I always wonder if death hits everyone in the same way that it hits me.  Even the death of people I haven't known/seen in years, the death of celebrities, the death of pets....hits the core of my being. Why does it affect me so deeply?

While I was in the hospital, I found out that my high school friend Bryan had lost his baby girl Fable.....in my mind, I had always called Fable "the three-legged dog".  I believe I knew of Fable prior to her having her leg removed, but I mostly remember when she was going through the amputation.  I never met Fable, and haven't even seen Bryan since 1986....but I mourn for his loss.  I want to make the pain of Fable's death go away.  And honestly, there is nothing I can do.  The loss of a pet, to some people, is the loss of family.  I get that.  I feel for Bryan and his family.  I feel odd mentioning my Three Stooges, as Bryan used to also have three Stooges.  I hope that the memories, and many photos, help the healing process.

Also while in the hospital, I discovered that a past co-worker had passed away from brain cancer.  She was 44 years old.  She had four children.  Karen and I didn't always get along very well....we were both very competitive and clashed in the workplace.  But I feel a guilt that I JUST found out about her death, two years after the fact.  How could I not have known?  We were once friends on Facebook, right around the time I imagine she was diagnosed, and she never mentioned anything.  I feel for her husband, her four adult children.  Karen is one of many past coworkers to pass away from this particular job, in New Hampshire.

I can feel the time coming where we'll have to make a decision about Mrs.  She is 13 years old.  She just isn't spunky like she used to be.  Her tail barely curls anymore.  The selfish part of me wants her to pass away in her sleep, so that no decisions have to be made.  I don't know how I could make such a decision.

I remember when my Father was on life support in Boston.  Three days he was in a medically induced coma.  80% of his heart had died.  He passed away in his sleep in the early morning, on the day that we were to make the decision on whether to end his life.  Decision made for us.  The easy way out?

Sometimes, many times, I wonder why all of these people/beings have passed on before me.....when it seems like it should have been me, years ago.  Sounds silly, but I wonder sometimes if there is some purpose to me still being alive?