Daniel's Story

I have PCOS.  or had.  I suppose I still have it even though I no longer have a uterus.  PCOS = Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  Tons of issues associated with it, one of them being infertility.

My husband and I moved to Hutchinson, MN in 2004.  I found a really good OBGYN a few months later.  He was willing to try and help me get pregnant.  Even his wife was okay with him trying to get me pregnant.  Gosh I'm funny.

In February of 2005, I had a procedure done as an outpatient that sent dye through my tubes to see if there were any blockages.  None seen.  That same February, I went on Wellbutrin and somehow managed to quit a three-pack-a-day smoking habit.  And then I started taking Clomid, a fertility drug.  And Mark and I "got busy".

In October of 2005, Grampa Vince died.  We had to leave to go to Upper Michigan.  I had been feeling....different.  I was tired.  I was late.  My boobs hurt.  I took a couple pregnancy tests which came back positive, but we were highly skeptical and so just thought they were false positives.  Off to the UP we went.

When we got back home and I had yet to start my period, I went for a blood test.  My doctor called me and asked me if I were sitting down.  When he told me I was pregnant, I said "Are you shitting me?  37 year old women don't GET pregnant"  But I was!

Mark and I were both in shock.  I, of course, wanted to immediately plan EVERYTHING!  We were foster parents and already had two nurseries in our home, a boy and a girl nursery.  So there wasn't a lot to plan!  We were also in the middle of having court-ordered visitation with our first foster son.  He was in full-family foster care with his Mom, but the judge had ordered that we have visitation, as he didn't think it was going to work out with birth family and he wanted to keep the bond with us.  (It did end up working out for birth family, by the way!)

Fast forward January 4, 2006.  We had just returned from a Christmas visit up north.

I was feeling weird all morning.  Little twinges.  Just off.  I called my doctor who wasn't in that day and left a message.  Was told to lay down for a while to see if twinges went away.  I got back up to help Mark with folding the laundry (funny how clear these moments still are in my head).  Felt a really big twinge, ran to the bathroom, where my water broke and baby Daniel was born.

Mark picked Daniel up, put him into a container, and we went to the hospital.

They made me stay overnight in the hospital.  Mark laid on the floor beside me all night.  The doctor came in and told us that our son appeared to be perfectly normal but he wanted to do some tests to find out what went wrong.  He put us in touch with the local funeral home and we had Daniel cremated and got him a tiny little urn and a cherry wood memory box to put all his sonogram photos, pregnancy tests, cards and letters, and his urn.

Tests came back that Daniel was 100% normal, just born too soon.  The official diagnosis was Incompetent Cervix.  I just went into labor and my cervix opened up too soon.

We hadn't totally decided on a name at that point, but Mark mentioned the name Daniel and I loved it.  We named him Daniel Lawrence, after Mark's brother who had passed away.  This is a photo of Larry holding his son, beside Daniel's memory box and a couple baby blankets that were made for Daniel and for our second baby that we lost in August of that same year.  There is now also a photo of my father-in-law Tom there, along with the infamous "bear mug".

Losing Daniel was one of the hardest moments in our lives.  For months afterward, all I could do is cry.  Mark and I got through it together.  These things can make or break a marriage.  Thank goodness ours has stayed strong, through everything.

Mark bought tickets for my birthday to go see Elton John in 2010.  Elton did his greatest hits, and he sang this song....just for us or so it seemed.  We think of Daniel every time we hear this song.