Apparently since we hired a lawyer and fought with "the powers" in court for our foster child to remain with us (or at the very least to transition to family slowly), we are considered Parana. We had been giving thought over the past month on whether we even wanted to deal with these people again (in a foster care capacity). We were leaning toward not. But today, the powers have asked us if we would like to not have any more placements and either contemplate providing just respite...or contemplate closing our license. Insert knife in back and twist it around a bit.
I don't know what to do now. This is making me feel that fighting for our foster child was wrong. This is making me feel that maybe we're just crappy parents. This is making me feel that maybe pursuing adoption is just a stupid idea. This is making me cry.
If we can't handle even being foster parents, why in the world should we try to adopt a forever child?
NEED comments. Please.
Mindy, I don't believe that your willingness to fight to keep the child indicates that you are bad people, potentially bad parents, are not worthy of having and caring for a child on a permanent basis. I believe it shows the opposite. You and your husband have huge hearts and want to share that love with a child that is in desperate need of such affection and stability. No matter what I or anyone else tells you, the decision is ultimately yours to make. It's up to you as to whether or not you are willing to put your hearts, open arms and home out there for another child. Is it going to hurt like hell if you were to take in another child for a long period of time and potentially have them removed from you, despite another attempt to keep them? Yes. You know it will.
ReplyDeleteIf I had the money (which, unfortunately, I literally DO NOT)...I would give you as much as you needed to get that adoption you want so much. The only thing I can do for you at this time is keep my fingers crossed, say some prayers and be there if you need a shoulder to vent on.
Parenting was never a problem. Letting go was the hard part. Why was letting go so hard? Because you loved her with all of your being? If so, I think that makes you the perfect candidate to adopt and to continue fostering. Yes, letting go is hard. If it were easy I would say you are probably not the right fit for parenting (foster or forever). Keep doing what you are doing. I am certain that one day you will cross paths with your forever child. Between now and that time you have the opportunity to touch lives in a way that not everyone can. You have so much to give to the most vulnerable of our population at a time when they need it most. You not only provide for the physical needs of vulnerable little people but you also provide love and nurturing during a very critical developmental period that will be with them for a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteNo do not give up, never. You are not a quitter. These hallways that are taking you to where you want to be are difficult to navigate.....but do not, do not give up. That child is waiting for you.......it is just taking time and patience getting to it. You and Mark have the love and it will happen. I know it, even if you do not, I do!
ReplyDeleteDon't ever give up. Fighting fit your kids blood or not is part of being a parent, a good parent.
ReplyDelete-Noell
I don't know what it means mindi, maybe they don't want you to get so hurt again. Maybe only take in foster children on an indefinite basis ie knowing they're going to move on. All of our foster kids over 22 years were teens only with us max 2 years, apart from the last he's arrived at 7yrs old, is now 18 and my parents provide supported lodgings for him.
ReplyDeletePlease do not give up.
I really don't comprehend the situation and the suggestions the powers are making. I think you need to look at your hearts and your lives, and if the wish to raise a child is there, and if it's feasible, then pursue it. Would be glad to chat if you need to talk.
ReplyDeleteLove to you.
I really don't comprehend the situation and the suggestions the powers are making. I think you need to look at your hearts and your lives, and if the wish to raise a child is there, and if it's feasible, then pursue it. Would be glad to chat if you need to talk.
ReplyDeleteLove to you.
I don't really comprehend the situations, or the suggestions the powers are making. I think you need to look in your hearts and if the desire to raise a child is there, and it's feasible, then pursue it.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to chat if you'd like to!
Love to you.
It doesn't make you a bad person or a bad parent to fight for your child, the child you felt should stay with you and become part of your family. <3
ReplyDeleteMaybe they made that suggestion because they saw how attached you got, how hurt you got. One thing for sure, you're a good person and I pray you will get your rainbow child.
I'm so sorry you're going through this! You are not a bad parent for fighting for what you think is right and looking out for what you believe are the best interests of the child. Keeping you in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteI think one of the hardest things in life is learning patience. (maybe it was just for me :o) But with time and patience, questions we ask are answered. If it is something you desire, do not give up. Do what you feel is right. You sound like a good parent, don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise! LOVE LOVE LOVE your nursery! :) Best wishes to you and your future!
ReplyDeleteI think all you can do is do what is best for you. Fostering has caused a lot of heartache for many people I know - so has adaption. Having you considered finding a surrogate mother who can provide her own eggs?
ReplyDeleteDon't give up. Have hope.
ReplyDelete