I can remember, years and years ago, my college professor telling me that I was a "morbid writer". Everything I wrote about was sad. As I sit here writing this, I'm crying. Emotional wreck is putting it mildly.
I'm not a sad person as in depressed. I just feel like I have this huge heavy load of historically sad moments in my life and I can't make them go away. And every time I try to think positive and be an upbeat person, something in my world crashes. How can someone be happy when they know that another sad event looms just around the corner?
I put on a good face. I try to entertain people. I try to make everyone else happy. It makes for a good facade.
No, I'm not suicidal. I'm not ready to be locked away. I just need some GOOD things to happen for me. Don't get me wrong, I am very lucky to have what I have and to be blessed with Mark and good friends. But I really need something GOOD to happen in my life. How many times can a person be smacked down before they refuse to even bother to get back up?
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Firstly, I agree wholeheartedly that you are due for some totally amazing, great things! I am not one to try to minimize anyone's feelings, and am not intending to do that here, not in the least. I think it is a tricky thing to label...sad versus depressed. There is a flip side to all the awful things that you have had thrown your way, and I know that you are fully aware of those. It all boils down to exactly what you said...you are alive. You are sympathetic and empathetic because of the unique life experiences you have. No one else on earth can relate to people exactly the way you can because of who you are and what you've been through. You've managed not just to live, but to survive and thrive. Good things are due to be yours. Believe that, hold onto that knowledge, and it will happen. Positivity breeds positivity, just as negativity breeds negativity. You are so loved, and I certainly am not alone in disliking you feeling sad! <3
ReplyDeleteGrr. I left a comment earlier but I don't think it posted.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it did?
Delete(((hugs))) I understand the sadness. I struggle with it also. Hoping some very good things will come our way soon!
ReplyDelete~Terri