Random Thoughts

Am I too old and/or handicapped to parent a child?  I know Mark has the energy, but do I?  Having Kyler here for over a year was fun, but exhausting.  Toddlers tend to be that way apparently.  I miss her so much, think about her all the time, wonder how she's doing, wonder if she remembers her time with us.

When we fostered in the past, the majority of our children were male.  Most around one year old.  I always thought that I preferred to have boys in the house.  And then came Kyler.  She was such a cool kid.  She reminded me of....me.  What an attitude!  Such a smart little girl.  She had Mark wrapped around her finger and she knew it.  It was pointless to say no to her because she knew how to play Mark and get what she wanted.

On the adoption application, they ask if you have a preference for race, religion, special needs.  We don't care.  We CARE, but we don't care.  We never have cared what a person looks like.  We love them all.  We would love to adopt a child with Downs if we could.  I have a nephew with Downs and I took care of a little boy with Downs back in high school.  Such loving children.

We're still throwing around the idea of fostering again...but I'm relatively sure we won't go that route again.  It's too heartbreaking.  It takes too much out of us and our home and our dogs and our marriage.  Not knowing when the child is going to be leaving your home is stressful.  How can they ask that you NOT become attached to a small child that needs you?  Impossible.

I regret allowing the doctors to remove my uterus, but in the back of my mind, I know it had to be done.  Ironic that I conceived on my own at 42.  I'll always wonder if I could have conceived again, after the cancer.  It's the not knowing and the what ifs that will drive anyone insane.

We have our adoption class with Lutheran Social Services on April 10.  From there, we have a homestudy done and we wait.  They do two "raffles" a year, drawing from a pool of potential parents and matching them with children.  Am hoping we have some money saved for the "just in case we luck out" possibility that our name is picked.  The thought of actually having a child TO KEEP, the thought of having a family...so exciting, scary, emotional.  This is our last shot.  I hope it works.

http://www.gofundme.com/2g6mss